I skipped work to stalk him.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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