Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
