so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
