she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
