I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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