I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
