we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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