please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
