My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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