Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"