Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Holy sore nipples Batman
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED