I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i'm inner monologue high
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains