to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.