Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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