I should be sponsored by Trojan
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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