I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
