Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
