i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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