I want to make a zoo with you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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