Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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