and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
