Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
