i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
