Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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