I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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