how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
