Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i love accidental penises.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
