Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
