There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Operation Purity has been aborted
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
