Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
