talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
