hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
