So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Boobs are out for the taking
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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