Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
