The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
