the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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