I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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