then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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