Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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