My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
