Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
