I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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