Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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