i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize