I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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