hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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