1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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