just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
