I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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