I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
