it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
