You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
