You're my little dorito
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize