Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
