I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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