ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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