Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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