I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
