Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize