Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude i'm inner monologue high
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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