I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
