Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
