I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
