I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
