Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
