Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My Sexting was not on an AP level
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
