Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
