I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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