Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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