i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
